am's Story

I grew up in a Christian home. My mother committed her life to Jesus when I was in the womb. My father a few years later. As parents, they were strict and severe. No parties. No cinema. No boyfriends. They concentrated on discipline to the exclusion of love and affirmation. I started university burdened with self-doubt, low self-esteem, no confidence and a terrible stutter.

My years at university were riddled with bouts of often severe depression. The church I attended growing up, my mother’s church, preached hell fire and damnation. The Jesus they spoke about was not a god of love; He was a God of judgement and punishment. For me, the Christianity I saw modelled was the hypocritical ‘do as I say not as I do’ variety.

In my mid-twenties, I began an earnest search for truth. If God is God, is He the God of the Bible, the Koran or the I Ching? Or some other religious text? I read them all. Only the Bible resonated with me, so I began seeking a way to encounter Jesus. There was an international Evangelist visiting Earls Court that summer, I attended his crusade and went forward when they gave the altar call to commit your life to Jesus. But it didn’t stick. I didn’t follow through by attending a church.

The next summer, the same evangelist returned, and I attended again. I went forward again. This time I followed through. I joined a local church. I began to learn about God. I began to read the Bible daily. I began to learn to pray. I began to find peace. Eventually, I received total emotional healing from my crippling self-doubt and self-condemnation. I even overcame my stutter as I found a new confidence.

I continue to grow as an individual and in my knowledge and understanding of the Bible and of God. It’s a process that has taken 30 years. And it’s only the beginning. I’m excited about the next 30 years!